Scenarios My Clients Might be Dealing With...
Scenario 1: Disagreements
You are having some big disagreements with one partner of yours, and the intensity of the emotions this conflict is triggering prevents you from listening and being compassionate with this person. You might have disagreements over what your relationship should look like, how to raise the kids, where to live. And you really are convinced that those are the reasons you disagree so you try your best to find solutions to these problems to go back to "normal". But it doesn't change anything. The intensity of the emotions is too high, you can't deal with it, let alone deal with the ones of your partner. This creates distance between you, you start doubting this relationship as well as your ability to solve conflicts. It's exhausting you, keeping you up at night and the people around you start noticing that you look tired and depressed. This affects your efficiency at work and in the other important areas of your life. Your inner voices go like this : “This person isn't good for you, maybe you should just stop this relationship altogether. Besides, if he/she really loved you, he/she wouldn't behave like that. Surely he/she isn't a right partner for you, you must find a better one!”
Scenario 2: Difficulties with Colleagues
The interaction you have with one colleague is always electrical and you can't figure out why. You two just don't seem to be able to work together. Whatever you ask this person, nothing ever gets done. It seems like anything you say is seen as a threat or an accusation, and you start feeling the same. People around you start noticing it and it's having an impact on the general atmosphere at your workplace. Your motivation dropped, you don't feel able to solve this conflict, and besides, you start blaming this person for what's happening and having suspicions that it's linked to your personal lifestyle that this person disagree with. You have no idea how to effectively bring this up, and some things that you hear inside of you go like : “It IS all this person's fault! It would work just better if he/she wasn't there! If he/she accepted you the way you are! You are doing your best but he/she is transferring all his/her anger on you! You should just try to get him/her fired”.
Scenario 3: Differing from Cultural Traditions
You don't fit “traditions”: you are part of a culture that have traditions you don't agree with. Perhaps you don't want to get married but your family is very attached to it and rejects the possibility. Or you don't wish to have children, which is unthinkable in your family. Whatever that is, it's radically different from the culture you belong to. And you are shocked by the violence, incomprehension and rejection you received when you bravely tried to talk about it. You heard things like: “How can you dishonour the family? How can you be so selfish? Why do you want to make your partner miserable? How can your life make any sense?”. Those reactions make you doubt yourself (“What if they were right about me?”), and pulls you apart from these people. You don't know how to communicate with them any more, and their words deeply hurt you.
Do any of these scenarios sound like you?